Fixing a surface features writing!

G'day my amazing readers,

In room 9 we are learning to fix a surface features. Surface features are a little bit in the writing that we need to fix. Surface is punctuation spelling repeated words. We are doing this to improve in our writing by rereading it and fixing the mistakes in our writing. 

An example is: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed. The sentence has no surface features. We also changed our writing because there were to many of the same words.

On the room 9 site weekly writing there is a link that takes you to a document that we made a copy of the document. And then starting fixing the mistakes. Here is the instructions and the document:

Reading 1

Find the ends of the sentences. 

To do this: 

Look for each time a person or thing is mentioned again.

Look for when a new piece of information is given.

Think about where you pause to make sense of what you are reading.

Reading 2

Highlight the most repeated word.

Can you fix it?

Reading 3

Does this feel easier to read now?

How many sentences start the same way?

Kai kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. He tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed. He was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house.

 Mum has had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us. Maybe Elijah was one of them looking for revenge, but why would he come? Mum would just move and how did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum’s boyfriends were. So how could Elijah find us. He might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of her devices.

‘Hello where are you? I know you're here. You're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be, death or freedom! You have 10 seconds to choose wisely’.

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Birthday party writing

 Kia Ora,

Today I am sharing with you my amazing descriptive writing about a birthday picture. For writing this term we are still using language features. The picture we are describing is a picture from a birthday party. Here is my writing and the picture:

 I see: I see the little girl on the side out of the photo eating the cake like if she didn’t eat the cake she would explode. I see people wearing puletaha. People holding little kids

I hear: I hear little kids crying like “ waaaaaa” not wanting to be in the picture. I put a timer on the phone “321” and run into the frame. ‘Bang’ a balloon pops behind us and the girl sitting down screams, she was so embarrassed she wanted to stick her face in the cake.

I smell: I smell the fancy perfume from the girls standing up. The smell of the food swimmed around us. 

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Remarkable

Malo e lelei,

Today I am sharing with you my amazing new weekly words/ word of the week. Word of the week is when we get or choose a word that we do a definition of, a example and our own sentence. This week I picked remarkable. Here is my work.

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Fia fia

 Kia ora,

Today I am sharing with you my schools Fia Fia from last term.

 Fia Fia is when my school's pacifika group get's to perform normally at the high school but this year we did it in our school gym. For us all together there are 6 dances. We had a lot of months to practice with Miss Clifford, Miss Harris and Nuu's mum. A day before Fia fia we got our outfits, here is what the girls one's looked like.

We wore something like that with our own tops and flower decoration on our heads. Going up we were really scared and embarrassed, Here is the video: Click here. After that we ran up and got food but then we got told the parents were going first and we got sad. We went back to the classroom where we got dressed back in our normal clothes and played around then we left!

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